How to Think More About Sex book cover

How to Think More About Sex by Alain de Botton Summary

How to Think More About Sex
Alain de Botton
3.47 (5557 Reviews)
Philosophy
Psychology
Relationship
Self-growth
Overview
Key Takeaways
Author
FAQs

Overview of How to Think More About Sex

Alain de Botton's philosophical exploration challenges our awkward relationship with sexuality. This controversial 2012 release sparked heated debates about pornography, monogamy, and desire. Ever wondered why good sex requires better thinking? De Botton's School of Life series offers a refreshingly intellectual path to bedroom wisdom.

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Key takeaways

1

The Strange Predicament of Being Human and Sexual

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We all pretend to be normal, but here's the uncomfortable truth: every single one of us is a sexual deviant in our own peculiar way. Behind closed doors, in the privacy of our minds, we harbor desires that would shock even our closest friends. The person sitting across from you on the subway, the colleague in the next cubicle, your own parents-all carry secret fantasies and anxieties about sex that contradict the composed faces they show the world. What if our fundamental error is expecting sex to be straightforward at all? What if the real problem is that we've convinced ourselves there's a "normal" way to experience desire, when in reality, sexuality is inherently messy, contradictory, and impossible to tame? Unlike books promising better technique or more intense orgasms, this exploration asks a more fundamental question: why does sex matter so profoundly in the first place? Why does it cause such exquisite pleasure and such devastating pain? The answer reveals something essential about human nature that we've spent centuries trying to ignore.

2

The Deep Psychology of Physical Intimacy and What We Truly Desire

3

The Hidden Meaning Behind Attraction and Desire

4

The Collision of Love and Lust, and the Pain of Rejection

5

When Desire Dies at Home and the Digital Trap

6

The Impossible Mathematics of Fidelity

7

Embracing the Beautiful Mess

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117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

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"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum
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108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC
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"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore
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"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

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"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon
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@OojasSalunke
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"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn
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"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

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12
likes
117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw
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star
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"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum
platform
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12
likes
108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC
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comments
254
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17

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore
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"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful
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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

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"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

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@Leo, Law Student, UPenn
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483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

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