The Best Books About Sex and Relationships

Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., is the New York Times bestselling author of Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life and a pioneering sex educator and researcher. A trained health behaviorist with a counseling psychology master’s and Kinsey Institute credentials, she blends scientific rigor with accessible storytelling to dismantle myths about women’s sexuality.

Her work as a former Smith College wellness director and peer sex educator informs her focus on pleasure-centered frameworks like dual control theory and arousal non-concordance.

Nagoski co-authored Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle with her twin sister, Amelia, and penned the 2024 release Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections. Her TED Talks on sexual wellbeing have amassed millions of views, and she appeared in Netflix’s The Principles of Pleasure docuseries.

Recognized with Indiana University’s 2019 W.W. Patty Distinguished Alumni Award, she hosts a podcast and newsletter exploring intimacy science. Come As You Are has been translated into over 20 languages and adapted into a workbook, cementing its status as a modern classic in sexual health literature.

1. Emily Nagoski’s dual control model explains arousal through accelerators and brakes.
2. Arousal non-concordance means physical response doesn’t always match emotional desire.
3. Secure attachment styles lead to more fulfilling and frequent sexual experiences.
4. Sexual context matters more than biology for desire and satisfaction.
5. Anxious attachment often links sex to emotional validation and security.
6. Avoidant attachment correlates with casual sex and emotional disconnection.
7. Your sexual preferences are unique—embrace them without judgment or comparison.
8. Stress and environment act as brakes that inhibit sexual arousal.
9. Women’s sexual variability is normal, not a problem to fix.
10. Body acceptance and mindfulness enhance sexual pleasure and confidence.
11. Communication and consent are foundational for mutually satisfying sexual experiences.
12. Cultural myths about sex often create unnecessary pressure and anxiety.

Emily Hope Morse, author of Smart Sex, is a leading sexual health expert and award-winning podcast host renowned for her candid approach to intimacy and communication. A doctor of human sexuality trained at the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, Morse blends academic rigor with relatable advice in her work.

Her bestselling book Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight established her as a pioneer in modern sexual wellness, while her globally syndicated podcast Sex With Emily—launched in 2005 and later expanded into a SiriusXM radio show—has educated millions through frank discussions about relationships and pleasure.

Morse’s expertise extends to media appearances on The Today Show and Bravo’s Miss Advised, along bylines in The New York Times, Forbes, and Cosmopolitan. She created the innovative Kegel Camp app and the Emily & Tony product line to help couples strengthen intimacy. Now teaching a MasterClass on sexual communication, Morse has been hailed as “the Dr. Ruth of a new generation” for revolutionizing how society approaches sexuality. Sex With Emily remains one of Apple Podcasts’ longest-running top-ranked shows in its category, with listeners in over 150 countries.

1. Solo sex builds self-awareness for enhanced partnered intimacy success
2. Communication is lubrication for deeper sexual and emotional connections
3. Own your orgasm as personal responsibility rather than partner duty
4. Yes/no/maybe lists create safe spaces for fantasy exploration
5. Sexual intelligence requires decoding arousal through body-mind alignment
6. Replace performative sex with curiosity-driven pleasure experiments
7. Daily self-pleasure rituals boost sexual satisfaction and confidence
8. Mindful touch exploration unlocks your body’s unique erotic responses
9. Break shame cycles by normalizing open dialogue about desires
10. Track arousal patterns to diagnose and overcome sexual blocks
11. Emotional intimacy fuels physical connection more than technique mastery
12. Reclaim sexual agency through shame-free self-discovery practices

Stephen Snyder is the author of Love Worth Making and an acclaimed translator specializing in contemporary Japanese literature. A professor of Japanese Studies and Dean of Language Schools at Middlebury College, Snyder brings scholarly rigor to exploring themes of human connection, memory, and cultural nuance.

His translation of Yōko Ogawa’s The Memory Police earned recognition as a National Book Award Finalist and International Booker Prize nominee, establishing his expertise in conveying emotional depth across linguistic boundaries. Snyder’s work frequently examines intimate relationships through historical and philosophical lenses, informed by his translations of literary icons like Kenzaburō Ōe and Ryū Murakami.

His commitment to cross-cultural storytelling extends to lectures at international literary festivals and collaborations with institutions promoting global literature. Love Worth Making builds on this foundation, blending narrative precision with psychological insight.

Snyder’s translations have been adopted in university curricula worldwide, with his renditions described as “masterclasses in preserving authorial voice” by The Booker Prizes. The book joins his critically lauded oeuvre, including The Factory and Hotel Iris, celebrated for their exploration of love’s complexities. Over 50,000 copies of his translated works circulate globally in 12 languages.

1. Sexual connection thrives on emotional honesty, not just physical technique.
2. Your infantile sexual self craves playfulness and uninhibited self-expression.
3. Great sex requires sanctifying erotic moments without judgment or agenda.
4. Scent acts as intimacy’s primal gateway to emotional bonding.
5. Conflict differentiation strengthens relationships more than constant harmony.
6. Traditional monogamy works when partners embrace security and erotic individuality.
7. Sexual selfishness fuels desire more than performative generosity.
8. Reignite passion by addressing remote emotional disruptions, not bedroom habits.
9. Stephen Snyder’s “simmering” technique sustains arousal through gradual tension-building.
10. Criticism erodes intimacy; curiosity about partner’s inner world rebuilds it.
11. “Love Worth Making” redefines great sex as shared emotional sanctification.
12. Partners who tolerate individual volatility discover deeper joint erotic joy.

Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., is the New York Times bestselling author of Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections and a leading sex educator and stress researcher. With a PhD in Health Behavior from Indiana University and clinical training at the Kinsey Institute, Nagoski merges academic rigor with accessible guidance on sexual wellbeing, relationships, and stress management.

Her work is rooted in decades of experience—from directing Wellness Education at Smith College to co-authoring the groundbreaking Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle with her twin sister, Amelia.

Nagoski’s critically acclaimed Come As You Are revolutionized conversations about women’s sexuality, earning her a global following and TED Talks with millions of views. Her expertise is regularly featured in major media like NPR and The New York Times, and she has been honored with the Indiana University School of Public Health’s W.W. Patty Distinguished Alumni Award.

Come Together builds on her mission to help couples cultivate joy and intimacy, cementing her reputation as a trusted voice in modern sexual health. Her books have been translated into over 20 languages and adopted in academic curricula worldwide.

1. Prioritize emotional trust over spontaneous desire for lasting sexual connections.
2. "Chore play" replaces obligation with shared responsibility to fuel intimacy.
3. Redefine sexual satisfaction by focusing on enjoyment, not frequency or societal norms.
4. Build an "emotional floorplan" to navigate stress and body image barriers.
5. Shift from "Winner vs. Giver" roles to equal partnership dynamics.
6. Responsive desire outperforms spontaneous desire in long-term relationship satisfaction.
7. Address the "gender mirage" to dismantle harmful sexual expectations.
8. Use science-backed "accelerators" to reignite connection during relationship slumps.
9. TL;DR summaries provide actionable steps for couples at every chapter’s end.
10. Inclusive case studies validate diverse sexual orientations and cultural experiences.
11. Troubleshoot conflicts using Nagoski’s intimacy-first framework over performance metrics.
12. Sexual vitality thrives when partners prioritize admiration and playful curiosity.

David Morris Schnarch (1946–2020), author of Intimacy & Desire, was a groundbreaking clinical psychologist and internationally recognized authority on relationships and sexuality.

A licensed therapist with a PhD from Michigan State University, he pioneered the Crucible Approach®, blending marital therapy, sexual health, and personal growth.

His work as Director of Louisiana State University Medical School’s Sex and Marital Health Clinic and co-founder of Colorado’s Marriage & Family Health Center informed his bestselling books, including Passionate Marriage and Resurrecting Sex—cornerstones of modern relationship psychology used in clinical training worldwide.

Schnarch’s media appearances on NPR and The Phil Donahue Show popularized his differentiation-based therapy model, which teaches partners to maintain selfhood while deepening connection. His books have been translated into 15+ languages, with Passionate Marriage remaining a perennial bestseller since 1997.

1. Sexual desire problems are natural catalysts for personal growth and intimate connection
2. Low-desire partners unconsciously control sexual dynamics in all long-term relationships
3. The Four Points of Balance framework turns marital conflict into passionate intimacy
4. Differentiation—maintaining selfhood while staying connected—fuels desire more than compromise
5. Childhood attachment patterns shape adult sexuality more than conscious relationship choices
6. Brain-change psychotherapy rewires neural pathways to reignite erotic passion in marriages
7. Marital impasses act as evolutionary triggers for relational transformation and self-discovery
8. “Sex worth wanting” emerges when partners confront uncomfortable emotional truths together
9. Long-term relationships require periodic erotic “deaths” to rebirth deeper sensual connection
10. The Crucible Approach uses sexual tension as fuel for spiritual and emotional growth
11. Rejecting demand-withdraw patterns creates mutual responsibility for cultivating desire
12. Emotional fusion kills passion while differentiation awakens authentic sexual aliveness

Diana Richardson, bestselling author of Slow Sex and a leading authority on mindful intimacy, blends decades of expertise in holistic healing and neo-tantric practices. A former lawyer (B.A.LLB, University of Natal) turned holistic massage therapist, Richardson redefines sexuality through the fusion of meditation and conscious connection, drawing from teachings by Osho and Barry Long.

Her work, including The Heart of Tantric Sex and Tantric Orgasm for Women, explores themes of spiritual partnership, somatic awareness, and transformative pleasure, positioning her as a pioneer in modern tantric literature.

Co-founder of Switzerland’s Making Love Retreats—a program guiding couples since 1993—she combines academic rigor with embodied wisdom. Translated into 15 languages, her books have reached global audiences, while her retreats attract participants from six continents. Richardson’s approach, celebrated for bridging ancient wisdom with contemporary relationships, continues to shape discussions on sustainable intimacy in wellness and psychology circles worldwide.

1. Slow Sex transforms intimacy through mindful connection over rushed physical gratification
2. Prioritize presence over performance to unlock deeper emotional and spiritual bonding
3. Cultivate relaxation and breath awareness to enhance sensitivity during lovemaking
4. Replace goal-oriented sex with sensual exploration for sustainable fulfillment
5. Practice "stripping down" expectations to rediscover natural bodily wisdom
6. Mindful penetration creates energy circulation beyond genital-focused pleasure
7. Shift from orgasm-chasing to shared consciousness expansion during intimacy
8. Slow Sex’s three pillars: relaxation, attention, conscious connection
9. Transform sex from physical release to spiritual communion
10. Conscious touch awakens full-body ecstasy beyond mechanical stimulation
11. Create "love sessions" focusing on being rather than doing
12. Redefine foreplay as continuous sensual awareness throughout daily life

Ian Kerner, a licensed psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, is a nationally recognized sexuality counselor specializing in intimacy, relationships, and sexual health. A clinical expert in sex therapy and couples counseling, Kerner merges neurobiology, cognitive-behavioral techniques, and systemic approaches to address desire dynamics, a focus central to his groundbreaking work. His insights have been featured in The Atlantic, The New York Times, and CNN Health, where he contributes regularly, and he has lectured at institutions like Yale and NYU.

Kerner’s other notable works include Be Honest—You’re Not That Into Him Either, which challenges modern dating norms, and his advocacy for empathetic communication in relationships. A sought-after speaker for events and media appearances, including NBC’s Today show and the goop Health series, he blends clinical expertise with accessible advice. She Comes First remains a perennial bestseller, lauded for reshaping conversations about female pleasure and establishing Kerner as a leading voice in contemporary sexual wellness.

1. Prioritize cunnilingus as coreplay instead of foreplay for female satisfaction
2. Master three-stage female arousal: foreplay, coreplay, and moreplay sequencing
3. Use rhythmic tongue strokes on the clitoris for reliable orgasms
4. Learn vulval anatomy to navigate lubrication patterns and erectile tissue
5. Adopt the "vulval kiss" technique before direct clitoral stimulation
6. Delay penetration until after female climax for mutual satisfaction
7. Implement post-orgasm moreplay strategies to enable multiple female climaxes
8. Overcome hygiene hesitations through communication and pre-sex preparation
9. Replace performance anxiety with curiosity-driven exploration of her responses
10. Recognize that 70% of women require clitoral focus for orgasm
11. Reframe cunnilingus as intimate meditation rather than goal-oriented task
12. Understand how oxytocin release during breast play enhances arousal

Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, is a New York Times bestselling author, licensed psychotherapist, and nationally recognized sex therapist whose groundbreaking work in relationship dynamics informs He Comes Next.

Specializing in sexual health and intimacy, Kerner blends clinical expertise with accessible advice in this guide to male pleasure, continuing his mission to demystify sexual relationships through science-backed strategies.

A Clinical Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and co-founder of New York’s Institute for Contemporary Psychotherapy’s Sex Therapy Program, he regularly contributes to CNN and The Today Show and has been featured in The Atlantic and NPR.

His prior bestseller, She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman, revolutionized conversations about female sexuality and has been translated into over 12 languages. Kerner’s later work, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex, further cements his reputation for candid, research-driven dialogue about modern intimacy.

1. Ian Kerner redefines male pleasure beyond genital-centrism for full-body orgasms.
2. Emotional intimacy trumps physical routines to unlock deeper sexual satisfaction.
3. Dopamine and vasopressin hormones drive arousal more effectively than stimulation alone.
4. Break self-gratification habits to rediscover authentic erotic potential in partnerships.
5. Trust-building exercises enhance vulnerability, transforming anxiety into sensual exploration.
6. Viagra addresses symptoms but ignores root psychological barriers to arousal.
7. Kerner’s “passionista” approach merges relational closeness with recreational experimentation.
8. Male sexual psyche thrives on novelty, anticipation, and sensory unpredictability.
9. Communication rewires performance pressure into collaborative pleasure-seeking dynamics.
10. Full-body massages activate nerve pathways often overlooked in genital-focused sex.
11. Sexual chemistry requires continuous imagination cultivation, not just initial attraction.
12. Kerner’s techniques replace mechanical repetition with mindfulness-based arousal control.

Esther Perel, psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, is a globally recognized expert on modern relationships and sexuality.

Drawing from her multilingual background (fluent in nine languages) and decades of clinical practice in New York City, Perel explores the tension between intimacy and desire in long-term partnerships.

A sought-after organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies, she bridges personal and professional dynamics through her acclaimed TED Talks, watched over 40 million times. Her podcast Where Should We Begin? offers listeners an intimate look into real couples’ therapy sessions, further cementing her influence.

Perel’s follow-up book, The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, expands on her groundbreaking work in relational psychology. Mating in Captivity has been translated into more than 30 languages, solidifying its status as a seminal text on erotic intelligence.

1. Love requires security while desire thrives on uncertainty and novelty
2. Eroticism demands separateness—fusion kills passion in overfamiliar relationships
3. Modern partners replace villages, overburdening emotional and erotic roles equally
4. Acknowledge “the third” to sustain desire through external flirtation or fantasy
5. Intentional sex builds anticipation, countering domestic predictability’s passion drain
6. Emotional monogamy allows sexual exploration while safeguarding core commitment
7. Parenthood’s touch transfer to children erodes marital eroticism without balance
8. Sexual arousal embraces power dynamics, challenging egalitarian relationship ideals
9. Flirtation with outsiders reintroduces risk, reigniting dormant erotic sparks
10. Sustainable passion balances domestic safety with adventurous self-expression
11. Comfort breeds erotic complacency—novelty requires deliberate relational curation
12. Erotic intelligence navigates love-desire paradoxes through playful reinvention

Ian Kerner, author of Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man, is a New York Times bestselling psychotherapist and sexuality counselor renowned for his expertise in relationships and sexual wellness. A licensed clinician with a doctorate in sexology, Kerner blends clinical insight with approachable advice, focusing on mutual pleasure and intimacy.

His work, including She Comes First and Be Honest—You’re Not That Into Him Either, challenges taboos by combining scientific rigor with witty, accessible prose.

Kerner frequently contributes to CNN and has appeared on the TODAY Show and Dr. Oz, advocating for open dialogue about sexual health. As a Clinical Fellow of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and board member of AASECT, he supports diverse clients in his New York practice.

His books, translated into over 15 languages, have reshaped modern conversations about sexuality, with She Comes First becoming a cultural touchstone for its groundbreaking focus on female pleasure.

1. Ian Kerner’s Passionista philosophy prioritizes clitoral stimulation over vaginal-only pleasure myths
2. Male sexual satisfaction hinges on full-body arousal beyond genital-focused techniques
3. Build "Tigress confidence" by mastering verbal and nonverbal bedroom communication cues
4. Reignite desire through curated fantasy scenarios tailored to male emotional triggers
5. Strategic self-pleasure practice enhances partnered sex by mapping arousal blueprints
6. The "Three Touch Zones" framework optimizes sensual exploration from scalp to soles
7. Convert performance anxiety into erotic fuel using pressure-release intimacy frameworks
8. Blend penetrative sex with deliberate clitoral contact for synchronized orgasm potential
9. Deconstruct masculine emotional armor through aftercare rituals and vulnerability priming
10. Transform routine encounters using Kerner’s "Sensation Buffet" approach to novelty
11. Counter erectile challenges with pleasure-first alternatives to penetration-focused mindsets
12. Cultivate mutual satisfaction through the Passionista reciprocity loop of give-and-receive attunement