Not "Just Friends" by Shirley P. Glass Summary
Overview of Not "Just Friends"
Dubbed "the godmother of infidelity research" by The New York Times, Dr. Glass reveals why good marriages fail. Can friendship cross invisible boundaries? Discover why Oprah featured this groundbreaking work that transformed how therapists - and couples - understand modern betrayal.
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Key takeaways
The Invisible Threat to Your Marriage
Imagine discovering that your spouse's "innocent" friendship has been hiding something devastating. In today's connected world, affairs rarely begin with sexual attraction-they start with friendships that gradually cross boundaries. This pattern has become so common that psychologist Shirley Glass found 82% of unfaithful partners had affairs with someone who started as "just a friend." The workplace has become particularly dangerous territory, with 62% of unfaithful men and 50% of unfaithful women meeting their affair partners at work. What makes these relationships so threatening is their gradual evolution. They develop incrementally through small boundary violations that go unnoticed until participants find themselves sliding down a slippery slope. The progression follows a predictable pattern: two people begin sharing work concerns and casual conversation, then gradually start confiding personal struggles and marital dissatisfactions. Emotional intimacy deepens before any physical lines are crossed. Glass's brilliant "walls and windows" metaphor perfectly captures what happens. In healthy marriages, partners maintain windows of transparency between them while building protective walls against inappropriate outside relationships. Affairs reverse this arrangement-creating walls of secrecy that shut out the spouse while opening windows of intimacy with someone else. When a friend knows more about your marriage than your spouse knows about your friendship, you've already crossed a dangerous line.
The Myth That Leaves Every Marriage Vulnerable
Living a Double Life: The Affair's Progression
The Earthquake of Discovery
Rebuilding Trust: The Path Forward
Protecting Your Marriage: Seven Essential Strategies
From Crisis to Transformation
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"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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