Say What You Mean book cover

Say What You Mean by Oren Jay Sofer Summary

Say What You Mean
Oren Jay Sofer
4.15 (3260 Reviews)
Communication skill
Mindfulness
Relationship
Self-growth
Overview
Key Takeaways
Author
FAQs

Overview of Say What You Mean

In a world of miscommunication, Sofer's mindfulness-based approach transforms how we speak and listen. Endorsed by Tara Brach and Jack Kornfield, this practical guide integrates Buddhist wisdom with nonviolent communication techniques. What conversation could change your life if you finally said what you meant?

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Key takeaways

1

The Art of Being Heard: Why Communication Often Fails Us

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Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling completely misunderstood? In our increasingly divided world, meaningful communication has become both more difficult and more essential. What makes Oren Jay Sofer's approach to communication so powerful is his unique integration of three distinct traditions: mindfulness meditation, Nonviolent Communication, and Somatic Experiencing. This combination addresses both our internal landscape and how we express ourselves externally, creating a comprehensive framework for genuine connection. Most of us receive little formal training in communication despite its centrality to human existence. Instead, we absorb patterns from our families and cultures - some learn to prioritize others' needs, others to use force or manipulation, and many disconnect from vulnerability entirely. These unconscious habits determine the quality of our relationships. The good news? We can unlearn these patterns and develop new ones that serve us better. The transformation begins with something deceptively simple yet profoundly powerful: presence.

2

Presence and Listening: The Foundation of Understanding

3

The Dance of Curiosity and Care

4

Speaking from What Matters

5

Navigating Emotional Waters

6

The Art of Making Clear Requests

7

The Courage to Connect

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"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

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"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA
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12
likes
117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw
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star
star
star
star
star

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum
platform
comments
12
likes
108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC
platform
comments
254
likes
17

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore
platform
star
star
star
star
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"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful
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comments
96
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"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP
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"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon
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comments
201
thumbsUp
16

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke
platform
star
star
star
star
star

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn
platform
comments
37
likes
483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu
platform
star
star
star
star
star

"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."

@Moemenn
platform
star
star
star
star
star

"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."

@Chloe, Solo founder, LA
platform
comments
12
likes
117

"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."

@Raaaaaachelw
platform
star
star
star
star
star

"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."

@Matt, YC alum
platform
comments
12
likes
108

"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."

@Erin, Investment Banking Associate , NYC
platform
comments
254
likes
17

"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."

@djmikemoore
platform
star
star
star
star
star

"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."

@Pitiful
platform
comments
96
likes
4.5K

"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."

@SofiaP
platform
star
star
star
star
star

"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"

@Jaded_Falcon
platform
comments
201
thumbsUp
16

"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."

@OojasSalunke
platform
star
star
star
star
star

"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."

@Leo, Law Student, UPenn
platform
comments
37
likes
483

"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"

@Cashflowbubu
platform
star
star
star
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