
"Selfless" shatters the myth of fixed identity, revealing how our 'self' is constantly shaped by social forces. Named among 2023's top psychology books, Lowery's work gives language to that strange feeling when parts of your past feel like another lifetime. Who are you without others?
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Imagine waking up tomorrow to discover that everyone treats you completely differently than they did today. Your family acts as if you're a stranger, colleagues doubt your competence, and friends respond to you with suspicion rather than warmth. How long would it take before you began questioning your own identity? This scenario illuminates the radical premise at the heart of Stanford professor Brian Lowery's groundbreaking work: there is no "authentic self" waiting to be discovered because we are entirely created through our relationships with others. The quest to "find yourself" misses the fundamental truth that your self isn't something you uncover-it's something continuously constructed through social interaction. In a world obsessed with individual authenticity, this perspective challenges our most cherished assumptions. We experience ourselves as coherent, autonomous beings-a little "you" managing the controls of your life. Yet this intuitive understanding crumbles under scrutiny. The person you become when hanging out with college friends differs fundamentally from who you are in professional settings or family gatherings. These aren't masks you wear-they're different versions of you activated by social context. What if the self isn't something you possess but something perpetually created between you and others?
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