You're Not Listening by Kate Murphy Summary
Overview of You're Not Listening
In a world where everyone talks but few truly hear, "You're Not Listening" reveals why our relationships suffer from communication breakdown. Kate Murphy's life-changing insights - endorsed by CIA interrogators and therapists alike - expose how reclaiming the lost art of listening can cure our modern epidemic of loneliness.
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Key takeaways
The Listening Crisis: Why Nobody Hears You Anymore
When was the last time someone truly listened to you? Not the polite nodding while checking a phone, but genuine, undivided attention that made you feel seen and understood? We're experiencing a listening crisis that cuts across every aspect of modern life. Despite our hyperconnected world, nearly half of Americans report lacking meaningful daily conversations. The average person spends less than 10 minutes per day in face-to-face conversation while spending over three hours on social media. Our educational system reinforces speaking skills through debate teams and public speaking courses but offers virtually no training in listening. This deficit begins early. From childhood, we associate "Listen to me!" with unpleasant directives. Media normalizes shouting matches rather than thoughtful dialogue. When asked "Who listens to you?", most people pause uncomfortably before naming only one or two individuals-typically a spouse or close family member. Others admit to paying therapists or hairdressers simply to be heard. Many consider it "burdensome" to ask friends to listen to anything meaningful beyond social pleasantries. The cost extends beyond personal relationships. In healthcare, doctors interrupt patients within 11 seconds on average, leading to misdiagnoses. In education, students retain only 25% of what they hear. In workplaces, employees who feel heard are 4.6 times more likely to perform their best work, yet only 30% feel their voices matter.
The Neuroscience of Deep Connection
Curiosity: The Master Key to Exceptional Listening
The Assumption Trap: Why We Don't Hear Those Closest to Us
The Art of Response: Beyond "I Know How You Feel"
Bridging Divides: Listening Across Ideological Boundaries
Reclaiming Connection in a Distracted World
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From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
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"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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