Come Together by Emily Nagoski Summary
Overview of Come Together
Redefining sex in long-term relationships, Emily Nagoski's NYT bestseller challenges the myth that passion fades over time. Praised by Glennon Doyle as "a national treasure," this inclusive guide offers practical tools for couples of all identities to reconnect sexually through science-backed wisdom.
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Key takeaways
When Pleasure Becomes the Point
What if everything we've been taught about keeping passion alive is wrong? For generations, relationship advice has centered on maintaining desire-that electric, spontaneous craving that defines new relationships. When it inevitably fades, we panic, thinking something's broken. But here's the truth that's transforming relationships: pleasure, not desire, is what actually matters. Think about what you genuinely want from intimacy. Connection-feeling physically and emotionally close. Shared pleasure-mutual enjoyment without performance pressure. Being wanted-feeling desired and accepted exactly as you are. Freedom-escaping the weight of daily responsibilities. Notice what's missing from this list? That urgent, spontaneous "I need you now" feeling we've been told defines healthy sexuality. Our sexual response operates through two mechanisms: an accelerator that notices potentially pleasurable stimuli, and brakes that detect reasons not to be aroused. When you're stressed about finances, exhausted from childcare, or feeling obligated rather than excited, your brakes naturally engage. This isn't dysfunction-it's your context screaming for adjustment. Sexual difficulties rarely stem from insufficient accelerator stimulation but from too much brake activation. The belief that sex must happen "naturally" without planning or discussion is perhaps the most damaging myth of all. When pleasure becomes your measure of sexual well-being, the question shifts from "how often do we want sex?" to "do we enjoy the sex we're having?"
Finding Your Way to Connection and Building Trust
Bodies That Change, Love That Endures
The Art of Changing Together
Breaking Free from Cultural Scripts
Reclaiming Your Authentic Self
The Path to Transcendent Aliveness
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"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
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From Columbia University alumni built in San Francisco
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
"Instead of endless scrolling, I just hit play on BeFreed. It saves me so much time."
"I never knew where to start with nonfiction—BeFreed’s book lists turned into podcasts gave me a clear path."
"Perfect balance between learning and entertainment. Finished ‘Thinking, Fast and Slow’ on my commute this week."
"Crazy how much I learned while walking the dog. BeFreed = small habits → big gains."
"Reading used to feel like a chore. Now it’s just part of my lifestyle."
"Feels effortless compared to reading. I’ve finished 6 books this month already."
"BeFreed turned my guilty doomscrolling into something that feels productive and inspiring."
"BeFreed turned my commute into learning time. 20-min podcasts are perfect for finishing books I never had time for."
"BeFreed replaced my podcast queue. Imagine Spotify for books — that’s it. 🙌"
"It is great for me to learn something from the book without reading it."
"The themed book list podcasts help me connect ideas across authors—like a guided audio journey."
"Makes me feel smarter every time before going to work"
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